Tuesday, June 16, 2009

isn't it grand!

Well got a wonderful phone call today...Josh called once again with "amazing news" from the army.....I have learned very quickly that news is generally not amazing at all when it comes from the army!!!!!!!! Josh was called back in January from inactive status......he was given orders saying he COULD NOT be recalled for more than 400 days....so he left Feb 22 which puts his 400 roughly around March 2010....we have been told up until this point that his orders COULD NOT be extended..400 days was it! They even were talking about bringing the IRR guys (ones like josh) home early so it didn't go past 400 days.....well guess what!!!! THE ARMY LIED AGAIN! They were told what is "possibly" going to happen is that the National Guard unit they are attached to will be extended and since they are attached they are extended right along with the unit.....his deployment now was supposed to be 9 months......the new orders say they can be extended until the END of 2010.....if this happens their 9 month deployment now becomes 18 MONTHS!!!!!!! Putting him home roughly January of 2011!!! 2011!!!! Isn't that ridiculous!!! I keep praying and hoping this does not happen....If it does it means he will be gone almost 2 years total since he left back in Feb......All I can think about is that the girls will be 3 at that time...talking..doing all kinds of things and he will miss out on it all....9 months I could handle but 18?!?!?!?! How do I deal with that?!? Thats DOUBLE what it was supposed to be....and heres the fun part...army always has a "fun part" with everything!! We may not know that he will be extended until the last month he is over there...or it could be now...in 2 months..6 months...when ever they feel the need to inform us that our husbands will be stuck in HELL for 9 more months...so we could be planning on him being home and the night before they say NOPE nevermind he's staying....Isn't that some BS!!!!! It just really angers me! Why do we need troops over there for 18 months?!?! The army CLAIMS to be sooo family friendly but how is that taking care of a family?! Why can't they go over for like 9-10 months then send new ppl?!?! I guarantee you would have MUCH happier people all around....It's just dumb dumb dumb....I don't understand it but what do you do? Sit here and wait I guess.........and pray.........well on a brighter not...1 1/2 days and he will be home for leave........can't wait! LOVE

Monday, June 15, 2009

just living

Tonight I decided I better post pics of the girls....they are growing soooo fast! Sometimes I just look at them and can't believe they are mine!!! TWINS! Never would have dreamed it in a million years!!! They are my world though and I can't imagine it with out both of them in it! They are now almost 17 months and sometimes I think they act like they are 17! They sure have developed personalities as they have gotten older! They do something new everyday..it's amazing to watch them grow.....I just sit and watch them and laugh......Miss Joslen here is.....Joslen...lol....she definitely has her own little attitude going on! LOL....hard to admit but I'm gonna have to say she is just like her mamma....I'm told I gave a pretty good "evil eye" when I was younger
and Joslen has that down pat! You tell her no, she walks over picks something up and throws it and does this little "ugh" yell.....or she smacks your hand or herself! Lord help me!!! She is so funny though...a little comedian...she does something bad looks and you says "uh oh" then wrinkles her nose up and starts laughing...she loves dancing....music comes on and she starts stomping her feet and clapping her hands......if you have ever seen Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (one of their favorites!!) they say "oooohhh toodles" on it....she repeats it and it is hilarious! she now has 12 teeth and 2 coming in! She eats soo much....some nights I honestly believe she eats more than I do!!! She is up to 24lbs now....she pretty petite though....she is so much fun...even with her attitude! Sometimes I say she should have been an only child! LOL

And Miss Makenna...she is my "good" girl....she is SUCH a big help already....you can ask her to go get anything or pick something up and she shakes her head "yes" and walks over and does what you ask...she will help pick up toys....she is definitely going to be "mommy's helper"...I can tell already she likes helping and she's a lot like daddy. She's much more laid back...just go with the flow...although every now and then she throws a little fit and shows her attitude....she "talks" a lot more than Joslen....she just starts jabbering gets her face and hands going like she's telling you this intense story! I love listening to her...her favorite word right now is "hi".....it's so cute! and everything is a "cah" right now...not sure if it's "cow" or "cat" sometimes it seems like she will add the "t" sound when she sees the cat outside..maybe its just me :) they both also say "beby"....her signature move though is trying to hide her smile....she turns her head and puckers her lips so she won't smile...it's hilarious! she doesn't have quite as many teeth as Joslen does....last I was ABLE to check she had 10 and a couple coming in...she puts up a big fight to look at them so I have given up! She is also a good eater....neither one of them are very picky..one thing she really loves though is ketchup! LOL she will eat plain ketchup with a fork! what is it with that and kids? I'd probably be in trouble with WIC if they knew I gave them ketchup but OH WELL!! She loves it...that and ranch dressing...I was eating pizza one day with ranch on my plate and she stuck her hand in it and ate it...she LOVED it....:) She is still a pound ahead of Joslen at 25 lbs...seems to be since birth it's always been 1 lb! Joslen has more of my short smaller genes and Kenna has Joshua's bigger taller genes...I can't wait to see what happens when they get older! They have really started in be aware of each other also....They look for each other if separated ...they hug each other...fight with each other! Kenna thinks it's funny to take things from Joslen to make her cry...shes an aggravater just like her daddy!! but they both are such wonderful girls.....I have been so blessed and lucky....I couldn't ask for better kids! It makes it a little easier having help too! Josh's mom Viv helps out so much! She's a life saver...I think it's only because of her that I have stayed sane! I just can't believe how fast they grow up! Well I best be going to bed.....midnight 30 AGAIN! Oh and 2 1/2 days and Josh will be here! WUHOOO!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

silent rank

Well, decided to try and devote some time to my blog again...not making any promises but "a try" is better than nothing....I'm hoping to keep this updated with Josh being gone....just to keep everyone posted and for myself to have things "documented"....I read other blogs and I just sit in a trance reading post after post...it's amazing to me and I love reading the stories of others.......well where to begin with mine? Josh will be home in 5 days! YES! Finally 5 days! He will only be home for about a week but at this point I will take anything! We miss him so much...day to day life is just not the same without him....His deployment date is set for June 26th at this point...it could change..once again folks we are talking about the ARMY! It really honestly has not set in yet that he is going to go to Afghanistan....kind of one of those "it'll never happen to me..to us" things... It definitely has been a DAILY battle for me...I would love to lay in bed all day and sulk that my husband is gone but I have girls to take care of...a job to go to..bills to pay....the world really does not stop for you! That is a hard lesson to learn and live with.....only someone that is going thru a deployment or has gone thru a deployment can tell you what this is like...did I ever imagine it would be this hard...never!...only they can tell you what it feels like to see a couple walking down the street holding hands longing for "his" touch.....to watch a family enjoy a meal together at a restaurant and be jealous that you are sitting alone...without your husband there....to listen to wives talk about how they can't wait to "get away" from their husbands for the weekend and wish that yours wasn't far away...to listen to them talk about a fight and only dream that you could be fighting with your husband...yes at this point even a fight would be better than this.....only "they" know what it's like to wipe away the tears...put a smile on your face and a happy voice so everyone believes you are doing just fine....and maybe just so you believe you are doing fine.......it's very bittersweet....on one hand I just want him home, I go thru what I just described daily! I want to feel sorry for myself whine and complain..lay in bed and cry and then on the other hand I realize....God is good....He has a reason for this and I am thankful for everything I have been provided with...I have a husband that is fighting for our freedom...he is willing to give his life for others...so others can have a better life and not everyone can say that....so I stand proud and thankful....I wipe away my tears and smile because I AM OKAY.................my title "a silent rank life" is from a poem I found on the Internet....actually I saw it on a shirt in Ft. Benning GA one weekend I went to see Josh...if you could put army life in a nutshell...the poem does

The Silent Ranks
I wear no uniforms, no blues or Army greens.
But I am in the military in the ranks rarely seen.
I have no rank on my shoulders. Salutes I do not give.
But the military world is the place where I live.
I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get.
But my husband is the one who does, this I cannot forget.
I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line.
but my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind.
My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man
and the call to serve his country, not all can understand.
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free.
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me.
I love the man I married. Soldiering is his life.
But I stand among the silent ranks known as the Military Wife

[author unknown]

amazing.....one word sums it up...amazing.....this poem would have never meant anything to me before...I never knew what it was like! I was one of those people that if it didn't effect me I really wasn't worried about it! I know one good thing that has come from all of this is making myself a better person! I am definitely more aware of "everyone" else...its no longer just about me...I realized sometimes there are people who have it worse..I need to be thankful for what today brings because honestly we never know where tomorrow is going to take us....now here's the kicker ladies and gents....Josh technically hasn't even deployed yet!!!!! Yes he's been gone since Feb. but hes not in the midst of the fighting yet....he's still State side!!!...I don't have to worry about some random army guy knocking on my door telling me horrible news just yet...I don't have to wait for his call just to hear his voice and have relief knowing he is okay until he hangs up the phone and worry sets in again...I don't have to be sad for all the horrible things he has to see and do...that NO ONE should have to see or do.....none of that has even started yet.....I have a feeling that it's going to be a LONG 9 months....we will survive though....and we will be stronger because of it.....

wow...well....this blog was supposed to be about how our family was doing......but I guess that will have to wait until tomorrow! now you know how I am doing! It is now 1:30am and I am getting up at 8 for church....although I probably would have still been awake anyhow...haven't been sleeping well......having that reoccurring horrible dream.........army guy knocks on the door....I collapse in grief...and my life..our lives are forever changed...........horrible right?!! Yes, I know it is...but such is life........LOVE!